Are You sure?

If you know me, you know my family, and then you know that we are already quite a "pack". A six pack to be exact. When we got married, Michael and I talked of starting our family. I wanted a bunch, he wanted two. Forward, several years, I won. We had 4.  Seemed to be a complete family, you would think. We felt complete. 

Well God had other plans. About 3 years ago, I felt the calling to adopt. I felt it so strongly that I was brought immediately to tears. God and I had quite the wrestling match at that time. You see I was in graduate school, had a house full of madness, and "I" thought I had all I could handle (safely). I mentioned this crazy idea to Michael and being the supportive husband he is, he said "ok, we will pray about it". So for the last couple of years, we did just that, we prayed.

During this time of praying, I really questioned if it was "me" He was speaking to and not someone else, who you know, has it all together. Surely he wasn't talking to me. I mean there are days Lord, the little munchkins are lucky they get fed. Life is crazy.  Right? I mean after all, I’m not super mom, I don’t have it all together, to be quite honest there are days we just survive. But time after time after time, the Lord reassured me "yes, YOU". Throughout this time of us praying over this as a family, the Lord laid a heavier burden on Michael’s heart for the fatherless. Now there is no escaping this thing called obedience.  No turning back.

Ok, Ok, I'll stop arguing. We will do it. I mean after all, my answer was right in front of me, I knew it all along. I studied it often, but the Lord knew we needed time to prepare for what is in store for us. It is not about me or us, it’s about Him. James 1:27 “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” 

This past summer, it became real. So real it hurts, it aches, and there is no way of turning our backs now. We had the opportunity to be with the orphans. It hit us and it hurt. The eyes of those beautiful children are engraved on our hearts forever. To hold a child whom I have never seen, and to ache for weeks to see these children again was confirmation that indeed, I can do this. I have no choice. It’s not just a suggestion from The Lord but a command. We have seen, our eyes have been opened. Proverbs 24:12 “Once our eyes are opened we cant pretend we don’t know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows what we know and holds us responsible to act.”